People Who Are Married... And You're Not

You know the guy who in 1978 was convicted of sleeping with a 13 year old and fled to France…guess what? He met a woman in France. You went to a singles retreat in Boca and met no one. You had a house share for a whole summer in the Hamptons and couldn’t pull it off.

“What are you doing in France?” his future wife asked him in a cafe.

“I’m running from the law.”

“Sounds dangerous. What did you do?”

“More like who’ and less ‘what.’”

—Wait, are you grossed out by that joke? You should be. It’s gross. But not Emmanuelle Seigner. She was like, “As long as we don’t go near the Lycee he won’t cheat on moi.”

And you’re not.

Well they might not be married for long. This hilarious news report (linked here and either above or below this post) shows evidence of California Assemblyman Michael Duvall showing bragging about his sexual conquests to fellow staffers during a taped/televised meeting as if he was at brunch with the “Sex and the City” girls.

From something called Manolith.com:

Duvall divulged that one, of the two mistresses, wore “little eye-patch underwear” and then said, “I like spanking her. She goes, ‘I know you like spanking me.’ I replied, ‘Yeah! Because you’re such a bad girl!’”

It gets worse. Go to the link. I ain’t publishing that smut. Definitely check out the Kcal 9 news report. Towards the end of the new piece the reporter lists all the ways he tried to reach Duvall. It’s like he’s trying to justify his job. “I tried to reach this guy, I promise.”

The news report points out that not only is the assemblyman married, so are the woman he had sex with. Thanks for rubbing it in.

Now his poor wife has to stand beside him, grit her teeth and wear a neutral colored pant suit.

Duvall might be good at avoiding the press, but he’s got to keep his mouth shut! He’s such a Samantha.

and you’re not.

Actually, twice. While serving time for a brutal murder, Susan Atkins met the man of her dreams. He was going to use his millions to set her free. Turns out, no millions. This dude lied to meet the woman of our nightmares. You like what I did there? No “dreams,” “nightmares.”

Then, Miss Choosey dumps the guy because he couldn’t help her. She was using him. And he was lying about being rich - he lied to her. He felt that he needed to impress her.

Since 1987 she’s  been married to a lawyer. The guy is was 15 years younger than her and dedicated his legal life to get her out. He failed in 2005 and just the other week.

He might not be trying to hard. It doesn’t seem like such a great idea to get her out. While in jail he can run around and tell people he’s married while leaving his socks on the floor.

While you’re free to do what you want, any old time, two guys would rather date a brutal killer who’s locked up.

Please don’t stab innocent pregnant women to death, it won’t help you get married any faster.

And you’re not.

His last bride pretended she was kidnapped to avoid spending her life with him. That sounds like a red flag. But still, someone was able to look past that and want to tie the knot with this guy.

Don’t say you haven’t been warned, she was warned, but does care.

Even this guy got a second chance.

And you’re not.

Today the Vermont legislature made gay marriage legal in their state. So slightly after midnight, while you were finishing that ice cream, Bill Slimback and Robert Sullivan of Whitehall tied the knot. Actually those are their married names - they took each other’s name. Their maiden names are Bill Sullivan and Robert Slimback.

There are people who don’t want these two married. People believe that gays will go to hell for getting married(I do not. What do I care?). Bill is willing to chance hell to marry Robert. You can’t get your mate to put your name on the answering machine, yet this guy is willing to chance eternal damnation. Wish them luck. And why do you have a land line anyway?

If you live in Vermont, gay and single, I suggest you move out of state to one less tolerate so you can keep using that oppression excuse.

and you’re not.

The woman who cut off her last husband’s  penis is getting another walk down the isle. You remember 16 years ago, tired of her husband’s alleged abuse she cut off that jerk’s penis and threw it out her car window.

This guy is willing to over look Lorena’s well documented method of justice and giving her a second chance of love.

This means her date went beyond the awkward question, “What happened to your last relationship?” or “You look familiar, have we met before?” or ” Seriously, did we go to camp together or something?”

Literally, if you look up “Woman who cut off her husband’s penis” in the dictionary, her picture is there. Right there.

I don’t know what happened to cause her to do it and I’m no judge or jury, maybe the punishment fit the crime, I can’t say. But the fact that she has it in her to do that to a person is what some might call a red flag. Her fiancée is one person who should be afraid of commitment. Not you.